low on gas

That’s why some cars get parked and left on the street: cause you’re low on gas.  Just can’t afford to get it filled up.  Or even a few gallons.  So you park it and let it sit.  And it gets covered with dirt.  And dust.  Like a cocoon forming over a somnolent mechnanical caterpillar.

Scott Wade makes some cocoons come to life….wake up.  A self-professed “dirty car artist” whose medium is the dirt-encrusted windshields and windows of various automobiles –

– his work speaks for itself. And some of it speaks to me.  Like the faces of these two people who are trapped in a 2-dimensional rear seat of dirt –

– or the grinning Elf who has stepped out of the Realms of the Faerie into those where mortal men ride in chariots that belch smoke and pollution –

Like any artist, the path to ‘get there’ – wherever ‘there’ may be – seems at least as important as the destination –

– maybe more so.

And – because of the tangential nature of my own internal processes – the ripple effect when a stone hits my cerebral pond – his images lead me to the tag line from Sam Raimi’s cool and darkly twisted horror/time travel tale, “Army of Darkness” about a dude (the inimitable Bruce Campbell in a classic role) accidentally transported to the middle ages where he must battle an army of the evil undead –

Trapped in time.

Surrounded by evil.

Low on gas.

Sound the trumpets.

Raise the drawbridge.

And drop the Oldsmobile!!!

He’s not a good guy.  He’s not a bad guy.  He’s just….the guy with a gun.

And finally to top it all off, some brilliant tongue-in-cheek dialogue –


All right you primitive screwheads, listen up. See this? This is my BOOM stick!

(gestures with shotgun, people retreat)

The twelve-gauge, double-barreled Remington. S-Mart’s top-of-the-line! You can find this in the Sporting Goods Department!

(the people stare)

That’s right, this sweet baby was made in Grand Rapids, Michigan.  Retails for about a hundred nine ninety-five –

(examining the shotgun)

– it’s got a walnut stock, cobalt blue steel, and a hair trigger.  That’s right – shop smart…shop S-Mart…YOU GOT THAT?

He brandishes the gun, everyone retreats.

So the next time you don’t have gas money, remember….the clunky old Oldsmobile you’re parking….may make you the Chosen One.  If you play your cards right.

If not, give Scott Wade a call. And ask him to paint a chainsaw in the rapidly accumulating layers of dirt….to fight off the zombies.

Better hurry.

Last time I checked, they’re all around us. On the sidewalks of every major city. Sitting behind their steering wheels in bumper to bumper traffic while their eyes squeegee back and forth, searching for hapless victims. In the supermarket, at the mall, on the bus, in the subway. Some of them look frighteningly like neighbors or people you used to know not so long ago, back in grade school. Except for the drool bubbling at their lips. The glazed look in their eyes…

And the dust on their windshields. Their windows. Their glasses. Even the screens of their iPhones.

And they’re coming…

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